Collaborative Divorce: Splitting Up But Staying Whole
Posted: Monday, June 28, 2010
by Marcy Jones
Graceful Divorce Solutions
Splitting up but staying whole Is that possible? With a conventional litigated divorce, it's highly unlikely. Going to court and fighting over children and money brings out the worst in people. Collaborative divorce, though, is a new and different ball game. It allows people to go through the divorce process in a way that helps them to maintain a good relationship with each other and with their children. This is what I mean by "splitting up, but staying whole."
The clients also agree that they will participate openly and honestly in the process. This means they will talk openly about their interests, needs and goals, and they will freely disclose any information they have in their possession or anything specifically requested by the other spouse. There is no hiding of assets. We call this a "transparent" process. Everything (yes, everything !) is out in the open and on the table.
The real beauty of this process is that it promotes a mutual respect and trust. And even if there is not a mutual respect and trust there when the case starts (which is not unusual when a relationship is broken to the point of divorce, right?), going through the process is what builds this mutual respect and trust. And there you have it that is how folks can split up and stay whole.
As a rule, people who choose this process genuinely want the most fair and peaceful resolution possible. People who choose this process really see the value in maintaining a relationship with their spouse in order to be able to work together to co-parent their children. And if they don't have children, they have the same goals to reach as peaceful a resolution as possible, maintain a relationship with their spouse, and stay clear of the courtroom.
Why is it important to stay clear of the courtroom? Well, that's a loaded question, but suffice it to say that going to court about anything is just like rolling the dice in Vegas. On any given day, you can win or lose. It all depends on so many factors, it's absolutely impossible for any lawyer anywhere to predict the outcome. What happens most often when people go to court is that neither one feels like a winner and both feel like they've lost. There just isn't the satisfaction in going to court that many people expect. It's a myth that needs to be debunked!
Who, then, are the people who choose collaborative divorce?
People who choose collaborative divorce are people who don't want a judge deciding where their children wake up on Christmas morning.
People who choose collaborative divorce are people who understand that although their marriage is ending, their relationship is not, and what that relationship will look like after the divorce matters to them, especially when they have children.
People who choose collaborative divorce are people who don't want to spend months or years tied up in litigation and who don't want to have to cash out their 401(k) to pay the lawyers.
As a general rule, Collaborative Divorce takes less time, costs less money, and is less stressful than conventional divorce. It allows people to go through their divorce with integrity, with dignity, and with the support of professionals who admire and respect them for choosing this process.
Collaborative Divorce is a client-centered and client-controlled process. It makes sense, it works, and it's brilliant.
M. Marcy Jones, J.D. 2010
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